you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
