He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize