So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
