no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
