i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
