I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
my being single is dangerous.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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