i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
