hell yes lets make some ravioli
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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