I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
