im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
