3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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