My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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