I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
