Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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