Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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