Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
