I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
