and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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