Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
