i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
