I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
