one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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