You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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