come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
