Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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