Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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