Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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