i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
