I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
