then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
