can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
