I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
