mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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