Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize