NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
