i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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