my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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