I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
