If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
