dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
