Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
