I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
