i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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