can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
