I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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