yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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