there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
