Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
