??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
