I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize