i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
