The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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