I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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