Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
