Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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