i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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