I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize