Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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