I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
