I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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