I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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