also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
