yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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