The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
