like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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