he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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