Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
